It was Wednesday at noon and had been a long morning at work. I came home covered in sticky glaze and flour from work, for an hour to rest, recharge, and eat lunch before headed back up to the shop to finish the workday out. I briefly began running through dinner options for that day, and remembered I was planning to make a pizza..."Shoot, I totally forgot to make the dough yesterday.", I thought to myself. I began to panic, because I always make our own pizza dough, and it takes several hours to rise or proof due to the yeast.
I had no choice but to make it during lunch. So out came the flour, yeast, and olive oil. And I began to make the pizza dough. I gently measured out four cups of flour and tossed them into the mixer, only to miss and get half of one cup on the floor. I turned the machine on and watched as the flour, yeast, water and oil became one to form a sticky dough. I sighed...something about make bread calms me. The dough could rise while I went back to work and all would be well.
I had decided to make a healthier pizza this particular evening. Kale, caramelized onions, a little bacon, and a garlic sauce were all going to come together to make a hearty but wholesome dinner for us. I began on all the toppings. Frying the bacon, sauteing the kale, caramelizing the onions, building the garlic sauce, and chopping green onions. I was in my happy place, the place where I can combine food and creativity, and pour out love. The sounds and smells were overwhelming my senses, and I felt I could truly breathe deeply for the first time during the day.
However, I noticed our little pup had gotten unusually quiet. I went to check in on her, only to find she had left me a nice little steamy present on our guest bed. Instantly my peaceful breathing, and calm composure sped away and were replaced with anger . I shouted at her, my eyes filled with tears, and I sent Piper to her crate. For whatever reason this little event, that was easy to clean up, had me undone. I was then stressed about dinner, and unable to rest and slow my emotions down.
Our dinner guest arrived a few hours later, only for Piper to have yet another accident on me this time, which included more shouts, and close tears. I was frazzled, worn down, and defeated. Dinner commenced and we enjoyed the pizza and the fellowship even more. It was sweet to share a meal with our dear friend.
As I reflected on this meal, and the events of the day...what created stress and what led me to tears I was somewhat ashamed...my tears were brought on because my little perfect world was being upset. I wanted Piper to be well behaved so I could cook in peace, I wanted everything to go according to my plan. When it did not I panicked, I became stressed and unintentional with my emotions and responses. I pray the Lord will continue to reveal himself to me during these daily moments of weakness and struggle against my flesh. He is able to show himself to us in the small moments of our days if we ask, and I pray he will continue to refine and sanctify me in grace in the midst of these small moments.