On Grocery Shopping & My Need for Control

Once a week I take time to plan out meals for my little family of two. I cook every night of the week except for Sunday night, this is our designated "out to eat" night. I usually am making some dish for our Tuesday small group meal, and I try to have food stocked for breakfasts and lunches as well...oh and I am making anywhere from 15-20 loaves of sourdough bread right now and selling them from home.

A huge portion of my blog is dedicated to lovely recipes, and food inspiration. I love to cook...but can I let you guys in on a little secret? If I had to identify one thing that causes me more anxiety, stress, and tears since becoming a wife...it would be grocery shopping. 

And here is why...

I love the grocery store. I hate budgets. I find that as I am meandering around the store picking out my veggies, and ingredients for my weekly meals, I begin to get anxious. As I watch my calculator total climb higher and higher to our budgeted number my hands begin to sweat and my heart races...I start over thinking what is in my cart and trying to decide if I should put things back. I begin freaking out if I go over our budgeted number and still have 3 more items left to purchase...

This all boils down to something much deeper than hating budgets. I hate being out of control, and I hate feeling constrained by a budget, and I hate feeling as if I do not have "enough". Silly isn't it? But I really bet some of you can relate. 

When I feel like our pantry is getting bare but I know I cannot simply run to the store and grab more because of our budget I feel so uneasy. I lack the ability to rest in the provision of the Lord and trust that He will (as He always has) provide for our needs. 

Don't get me wrong, we have plenty. We always have food in our fridge and pantry, we have never gone without. What I am saying is that I struggle to rest in the Lord, I desire to always have what I quantify as enough and really have to fight against this consumer mindset of always needing more to make me feel secure and settled. 

I have been meditating heavily on this verse,

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

I have found such comfort in remembering that the Lord promises to provide...this may not always mean I will have the money for the organic or seasonal food kick I want to go on, or that I cannot afford to buy everything fair trade and directly from local farmers like I want...but the Lord will sustain and provide according to who He is, and He is faithful. 

Do you struggle to rest in the promises of the Lord's provision? How so?